Ryan Broderick's Cool Time Fun Blog

I work for Buzzfeed and do other internet things.
~ Friday, December 7 ~
Permalink

tybe:

Getting my licks in before the coming unhappy decisions.

[ Justices SCALIA, ROBERTS, THOMAS, and ALITO convene in a dark room ]
SCALIA: As our senior member, I call this session of Screwing Over Anyone Who’s Not a Straight White Male Gymboree into session.
ROBERTS: Thanks, Tony. Sam, what’s our first order of business?
ALITO: Holdover from last week, we haven’t figured out these Zen koans.
SCALIA: Mother of…! More new-age paganism!
ROBERTS [reading]: “In clapping both hands a sound is heard: what is the sound of the one hand?”
SCALIA: Enigmatic clap-trap!
ROBERTS: Gotta say, I’m *still* stumped.
ALITO: Ditto.
THOMAS: …
ALITO: Wow.
ROBERTS: …I never thought of it like *that*, Clarence.
SCALIA [dismissively]: Fine fine, free your mind from the strictures of linear thinking and grasp the essence of the void, WHATEVER. Give me something I can USE. Preferably to undermine the separation of church and state.
ROBERTS: Simmer down now, Tony. All in due time.
ALITO: Next item, we need to schedule our meeting with The Man (To Keep the People Down).
ROBERTS: Next Saturday?
SCALIA: Can’t. Paintballing with Ginsburg.
ALITO: Friday after?
SCALIA: S’ok with me.
ROBERTS: Any, heh heh, objections?
THOMAS: …
ALITO: OK, item three…
SCALIA: Oh, I love a good trinity.
[ From out of the shadows, a POOR PERSON creeps toward the assembled Justices ]
THOMAS: …!
ROBERTS: Tony, you say that *every* time, give it a rest.
SCALIA: No, you give it a rest.
[ POOR PERSON creeps ever closer, just an arm’s length away from infecting the Justices with its opposite-of-Midas touch ]
ALITO: Is there something you want to, uh, say, Clarence?
THOMAS: !!!
SCALIA: Guys, did it just get a lot more disenfranchised in here, or is my hernia acting up again.
THOMAS: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you internet!


5 notes
  1. ryanhatesthis reblogged this from tybe and added:
    Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you internet!
  2. catsinaspaceship reblogged this from tybe
  3. tybe posted this
reblogged via tybe